As I type this I am sitting in my backyard, surrounded by towering evergreens and feeling the faintest whisper of wind. It's the end of December and it's almost 70 degrees out here in central Oklahoma. Odd, to say the least, but a beautiful day nonetheless and one we welcome before the stranglehold of winter comes to take it away.
So much has happened in the month or so since I've last shared with you. Hannah, despite her surgery this past summer, has had an increasing number of seizures and is having trouble remembering things again. It's disturbing and our options for future treatment are dwindling. Do we repeat the surgery? Do we increase her medications? It's rather like shooting in the dark at this point. She has a follow up appointment with her local neurologist in January. Hopefully we'll know more by then.
My foot, on which I had surgery in October, is nearly healed, thank God. Benjamin, too, with his broken arm is nearly fully recovered. Both of us are enjoying our increased mobility and activity. I'm hoping to begin running again in January.
Vickie is plugging away patiently at her job at Walmart. It kills me to see her going off to work. For over 15 years I was the sole provider of our little family and, God forgive me, it was a source of pride for me knowing that Vickie could stay home with the kids. Now that I'm in school full-time, she has been obligated to take this mantle, one which she wears effectively. We both know it is but for a short time. As soon as I graduate medical school and get into a residency I will be making enough money for us to survive. Until then she plods to work every day, faithfully doing what she can. Neither I nor the kids deserve her, a fact of which I am reminded every day.
It's a strange dynamic that is evolving with our internet ministry. For seven years I was a Messianic Rabbi, serving congregations in Texas and Pennsylvania. Now I am simply myself again and finding this adjustment more challenging than I originally thought. It took me a long time and a lot of study to become a rabbi, and to lose it so quickly makes me ask myself, "what was the point"? I am grateful for what God did during those many years but now those years are over. I've noticed that people treat me differently. Even some of my colleagues in the ministry seem to have moved on. The sense of isolation increases. My goal for the internet ministry is that it would be a source of balanced Messianic Jewish teaching and, after I graduate school, a vehicle through which I report my work as a medical missionary, for this is my heart. My hope is that, through the ministry of medicine and health to people, they would open themselves up to the ministry of Y'shua (Jesus) for I will be doing both simultaneously. It's been my experience that people will truly know that they are loved when they see a practical application of that love. Medical missionary work is perfect for showing this kind of love for truly it's how Y'shua conducted His ministry!
So, as we approach this new year of 2012, there is much reason for hope and many opportunities to learn from 2011. The more things have changed for us the more we see God's constant love and faithfulness. He has been so good to us and has provided, and continues to provide, when all other avenues have vanished. In the past five months that we have been in Oklahoma, for example, He has provided us with a place to live, a job for Vickie, money to put food on the table and pay for utilities. He has safely settled us in a land where we have no family and has helped us survive, giving us the sweet fellowship of believers both near and far. God is good, and we taste of His goodness every day.
I pray that God demonstrates His faithfulness to you, dear reader, in the coming year and that, when December 2012 rolls around, you will be able to testify of His abounding faithfulness.
God bless you and protect you!
I'll keep you posted.
